I have a dream

I love this song by the group Abba:

I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

One of the first records I brought (a vinyl) was by a group called the New Seekers, they had a no 1 chart hit with this song when I was eleven, I still sing it to myself sometimes.

I'd like to build the world a home
And furnish it with love
Grow apple trees and honey bees
And snow-white turtle doves
I'd like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
I'd like to hold it in my arms
And keep it company
I'd like to see the world for once
All standing hand in hand
And hear them echo through the hills
Ah, peace throughout the land


When I was four years old the American activist Dr Martin Luther King, delivered his famous speech entitled 'I have a dream'. King had been preaching about dreams for a few years by then.  To commemorate the 50th anniversary of that speech,  Stylist asked four campaigners for their personal call to arms for a better world.

This is an excerpt from Camilla Batmangelidgh. (for the full article see link below)

"The trouble is, ministers want easy answers to easy jobs, so that at the end of it they can present themselves as having succeeded. It’s a clever trick; only define the policy that you’re guaranteed to deliver on with ease. Who wants to talk about the rot in our children’s departments when they lack the vision to resolve it? As long as the public are not aware, there is no outcry and therefore no risk of losing your vote. Abused children are not able to hold politicians accountable, neither can they write policy or the front pages of our newspapers".

http://www.stylist.co.uk/people/I-have-a-dream

My dream is for people caring for each other and our world because they want AND are able to.

Hope

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

Emily Dickenson

Not feeling

A way to stay sane, to protect ourselves is to NOT allow ourselves to feel, to cut off from feelings that are just too distressing to cope with. I've  seen social workers admitting to this, recently via comments on Kids Company's facebook page after Camila Batmangelidgh commented on Daniels tragic case and the resulting outcry,  "professionals call it abuse but for Daniel it was torture" she wrote.  I know how important switching off can be for survival, and also how dangerous that can be too.  It seems things are worse now than they were then. But blaming social workers helps no one.

I wonder where Camila gets her strength from to allow her self to feel the pain and respond as she does, with such care. She has dedicated her life to helping children. She is my inspiration and hope.

I'd like to hear some response, does anyone else care?

"How could anybody do that!

I've heard so many people cry with out rage over Daniels story, and other similar shocking stories, they feel unable to help, cynical that yet another review, investigation or that writing to their MP will bring about any positive change. And then there are others who say terrible, then look for somewhere to lay blame, and then forget about it all by the end of the week.  Our ability to empathize to understand how another person is feeling and the ability to stay with that pain depends a lot on how our life experiences have shaped our brains. We are born with our brains hard wired for empathy, what happens to us can make all the difference as to whether we can be cruel and not feel, or be caring.

Want to learn more? See this link:

http://startempathy.org/wired-for-empathy

Action for Children response to issues raised by tragic case of Daniel Pelka | Action for Children

"There is overwhelming evidence that early intervention is the most effective way to protect vulnerable children - and we want to see the Goverment and local authorities giving it the priority it needs. Spotting problems within families as early as possible can help stop them becoming deeply rooted, with tragic consequences for children"

Action for Children response to issues raised by tragic case of Daniel Pelka | Action for Children

Problems can be spotted in an infant massage course, and if the parent wasn't willing to attend the classes that would indicate a problem that needed looking at.

Some good news from Action for Children

After the child neglect law debate was postponed until November, I’m happy to bring you some good news. We’ve just received a letter from Government Minister, Damien Green MP telling us his department are going to review the law on child neglect. This is a big step forward as it means they’ll be speaking directly with experts, including us, to review the current law and we’ll be making sure they realise emotional neglect must be included to protect the most vulnerable children. This has happened because thousands of you emailed your MP, and hundreds of them have written to the Minister, Damien Green MP. Your pressure has pushed the government into action and I can’t thank you enough for playing your part. We’ll be talking to the Minister’s staff straight away and I’ll be back in touch when we have more details to share, particularly in the lead-up to the debate in November. Thank you again for your continued support. Matt Downie Head of campaigns

Prevention please

I hope Penelope Leach's book Divorcing better will help many parents to care for their children and cut down on the amount of suffering that many children go through.

BUT we still need to do far more than produce a book that many parents stressed out or in great pain themselves will not be even able to consider the advice.

The NSPCC website states that "support through pregnancy and first year can ensure positive parenting for a lifetime. Babies under one are particularly vulnerable to abuse and neglect, they are EIGHT times more likely to be killed than other children in the UK!"

Intervention is costly and difficult and comes too late; maltreatment usually has lifetime negative affects, again being costly and difficult. A retiring judge Alan Goldsack QC stated a couple of months ago that he thought that children of criminals should be taken away from their parents and put into care!

"a dysfunctional family would often have £250,000 spent on them, ‘but if we get in early and removed children we could save thousands’."!

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2330940/Alan-Goldsack-Remove-children-criminal-families-birth-save-crime-says-judge.html.

 

He is right about the financial cost, but putting children into care is not addressing the problems and is also very costly and does little to break a heart breaking cycle. There are a number of fairly simple, low cost ways of providing a great deal of prevention which could drastically cut the need for costly intervention, costly mental health services, doctors being over run, and result in more general productivity, leading to a happy and healthier nation.

Suggestions:

1. Give all 'parents to be' antenatal support and education including counselling for any trauma or abuse they may have suffered as children. This would also give professionals the ability to be more aware of where extra support may be necessary in the future.

2. Give all new parents infant massage sessions of at very least six weeks in the 'International Association of infant massage' way that aids bonding and attachment, at the same time as supporting new parents it helps them to see their child as a person with needs as they are taught to always ask permission from the infant and respond appropriately when the infant shows when it is not welcomed. Parents learn from one another and how to communicate in a positive and respectful way with their child. This helps the child’s brain to grow healthily which enables better health all round, aiding later speech and education ability. There are many studies that show the huge benefit of infant massage.

Also still give extra support for those parents who need it, in the first two years of the child's life.

3. Introduce the 'Roots of Empathy' programme (as Scotland is) which strives to break the intergenerational cycle of violence and poor parenting. (http://www.rootsofempathy.org/) into every school AND to home educators.

It should not be up to charities to provide the support every parent needs to be successful enough parents!